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Splodge the Hedgehog “dead cute” road kill plush toy



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PLUSH TOY (Splodge the Hedgehog “dead cute” road kill plush toy)

Another “dead cute” road kill plush toy from our demented friends “across the pond”!
Splodge the hedgehog was run over by a combine harvester, near Hereford last Friday. He was scraped off the road and sealed in an opaque body bag to keep it fresh and maggot-free. Splodge’s next of kin, Pop the Weasel, is holding a short service in remembrance of him this Sunday.
Splodge’s plush blood and guts can be stuffed in and out of his body via zips on both of his flanks. His spikes are flattened in the middle. His little tongue is lolling. His eyes are glazed over. And there’s a tire print streaked across his face. Splodge comes in a hermetically-sealed plastic body bag. Attached to his twitching paw is an identity tag, giving details of his demise. The first 500 products have handwritten toe tags. Each one is different.  Some are run over by mobile libraries, and some by kebab vans. He also comes with a death certificate, witnessed and signed by a doctor, and a bumper sticker proclaiming ‘I love Roadkill’.

Splodge’s Obituary
After a freak accident on Silverstone Racetrack involving Jensen Button’s Honda, Splodge passed away on 14th July 2007, aged 2. The beloved son of Nigel and Sally Hedgehog, Splodge was born on 29th April 2005. He was educated at Herts College, where he took an NVQ in joinery. Very popular in the hedgerows of Hertfordshire, Splodge loved indulging his hobbies of rollerblading and kite-flying. His next of kin, Pop the Weasel, will be holding a private ceremony for close friends at Moors Farm, Bracklebury, on 23rd July 2007. Bread and milk will be laid on.

Curriculum Vitae
Name: Splodge
Occupation: Hedgehog
Date of Birth: 29/04/2005
Education: NVQ in joinery from Herts College
Skills: Eating peas and blowing them out through his nose.
Hobbies: Rollerblading and socialising

Certificate of Death
Date of birth: 29/04/2005
Date of death: 14/07/2007
Place of death: Silverstone Racetrack
Cause of death: Jensen Button, in his Formula 1 Honda.
Next of kin: Pop the weasel
Last known address: An empty milk carton, outside the Lidl store, Sidcup

This Squash-plush range of toys looks like road kill. Feels like road kill. But they’re not. They’re plush toys. Very macabre plush toys with a twisted sense of humor. So well made, they almost seem real.
The blood and guts and gore are made using the latest high-tech stuffing and plush, to give it quite a realistic squidgy effect. Splodge’s body and head and legs are made from specially sourced plush material, that gives them that tactile quality of mangy fur. The body is partly stuffed with beads, to give it extra dead weight. And unlike real road kill it’s something you’ll want to take home and arrange on your bed. We’ve tried to make Splodge and the rest of his Squash-plush pals as life-like as possible. But at the end of the day he’s only a stuffed toy. All the plush materials and stuffing we’ve used are made from 100% polyester fibers. Splodge’s body is stuffed with a mixture of beads and stuffing. The beads give the Squash-plush toy a bit of extra weight, so he can lie spread-eagled in his blood and gut-pool. The blood and guts and gore are made using the latest, cutting edge stuffing. It’s a special new micro-bead stuffing that gives the guts and organs a more malleable, tactile effect. It makes it more squishy. More gross-out. You can disembowel Splodge by pulling the blood and innards through the zips that line both sides of the toy carcass.

The underbody and legs and head are made from specially sourced Squash-plush material. It’s a really good quality Korean fur, and it gives the teddy a convincingly mangy pelt. The plush for the spikes is also specially sourced. It gives a spikey, but soft quality. The Gut-plush, as we like to call it, is a stretchy thin material that squishes and bulges under your fingers. If you’ve ever squished a Japanese Barbapapa plush toy, then you’ll know what we mean. And the claws that protrude from each of his four grasping paws are made of felt. His left eye is plastic. The right hand one is closed and hooded by plush eyelids. His nose is also plastic. Streaked across his face and right front paw there’s a tire print painted on. The effect gives quite a realistic tire residue. Flip him over and on his underbelly there’s an embroidered red blood splat. In the middle of this blood splat, there are a couple of embroidered organs. From what we know about Hedgehog anatomy, it looks like a pancreas and a bladder. He measures a statuesque 9 inches from nose to tail, and 8 inches from outstretched paw to paw. And in the middle he flattens out to 5 inches high with the blood and guts stuffed in, and 4 inches high with them out. At 10.5 ounces he’s slightly overweight for a hedgehog. This is due to his unhealthy obsession with bread and milk.

The toy body-bag is made from an translucent plastic so you can see the gore inside. It has a white zipper down the middle. And it’s 10.5 inches long by 8 inches wide. With a bit of prodding and pounding, it just allows enough space for a run over hedgehog. The toe tag is made out of recycled brown card. It’s attached to the toe with string. And there’s even a sew-in instruction label that’s crusted with blood and gore.

Not recommended for children under age 3. May be too scary for some children. Parental discretion advised.